I think Tim should write an article about single alumni returning
to South Bend and hooking up with coeds on football weekends. More specifically,
after what age is this no longer acceptable? I had heard the formula was
(age/2)+7. Meaning a 24 year graduate could hook up with anyone who is 19 or
older. Is this accurate? Also, is there any truth to the Tawny Kitaen
exemption?
Dating age restrictions - an interesting, ethical question.
To answer these questions, I requested some help from my research assistant to evaluate the proposed formula for minimum dateable coed age. One result of this equation is that the coed pool is essentially out of dating reach for alumni at age 30 as most coeds are under the age of 22. This seemed a little harsh to my way of thinking so I constructed a 'Q curve' which took into account that males mature slower than females so the coed dating availability should be extended into mid-thirties. I also adjusted for the 'Peter Pan reality effect' which require a nonlinear escalation in middle age. The Anna Nicole Retrograde Impact was also included to acknowledge that AARP membership includes the right to no longer care just how young that trophy wife is.
Lastly, to maintain sanity, I added the 'Classmate Daughter Control Line' to confirm that no correlation allows the dating of a classmates daughter, this is violated by the Q Curve at approximately age 58 which should be an age where the threat of violent conflict is assuaged by hip replacement fears. That is, unless your classmate is Jack Palance.
Regarding the Tawny Kitaen exemption, this ruling is rarely required in circumstances surrounding single alumni attending college football games, particularly at ND. For the Whitesnake video Tawny Kitaen prospect, a general dispensation is allowed, provided that she is not the daughter of Jack Palance. For the recently incarcerated Tawny Kitaen lookalike - well, if you are asking the question, you are probably going to ignore socially acceptable guidelines, anyway.
Not the girl from the Whitesnake video
1 comment:
Well done Q. I had never contemplated the Anna Nicole Retrograde Impact. It must be comforting for Tim to know that the pool of women he (or Soots for that matter) will eventually increase. Combine that with the anticipated growth in the U.S. population, those guys are going to be swimming in it when they hit their sixties.
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